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Let's Talk About Guilt......


I am so very excited, it is the final countdown to the Cleft Parenting Workshop on the 30th January! This will be a game changing event for every cleft parent I promise you! Do you feel like you are not showing up as the parent you imagined yourself to be?

This course does not promote perfection. It is about meeting yourself, exactly where you are and deeply supporting yourself and your family with consciously confident awareness.

It is about understanding, knowledge, awareness of self and connected parenting.

I am sooooo ready if you are ❤️


Sometimes it is obvious we are experiencing guilt around our child’s cleft and other times, because our internal systems are so good at keeping us safe in repeating behaviours and thought processes we know and are familiar with , it can be more sneaky. It shows itself in a more noticeable way through our internal dialogue - get curious about what you are saying to yourself ..

Initially, on diagnosis or discovery of cleft, it will likely be more pronounced

Did I cause this?

What did I do wrong?

It is my fault? - I caveat this for my beautiful mums with cleft - Although closely interrelated, cause and fault are distinct concepts.

When cleft appears in families, there is a potential genetic cause, this is not because a person is at fault; an important distinction to make.

Guilt can be the underlying cause of perfectionism or holding ourselves to very high standards around procedures and appointments with the focus on expectation and outcome. This is because if we can some how control the situations we are faced with it will soothe our system and the physical discomfort experienced when we sense guilt will be lessened, because we perceive ourselves to be in a more predictable and controlled situation.

Helpful ways to work with guilt,

Acknowledge it exists - denial will keep you stuck

Notice your negative self-talk - work on speaking to yourself as you would someone you deeply love

Remind yourself of all that you do to support your family - focus on the strength of you

Understand it’s OK to have your own needs - it is in fact essential to acknowledge your needs and meet them

Establish boundaries - what feels good and what doesn’t, who feels good and who doesn’t

Understand what you can have an impact on - not what you cannot

If you are a cleft mum hit follow because I am here to help you to understand why it is you feel the way you do and what you can do about it.

Love as always



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